Monday, August 15, 2011

ColdTusker BANNED from predicting scams

Mr. Cold Tusker,

I write to you to BAN you from predicting, forecasting or even dreaming of scams at entities under the control of the Govt of Kenya or Ministry of Energy.

Such predictions have a way of coming true. Furthermore, shedding light on such scams or potential scams makes us look exactly like what we are. We feel exposing these to the public shall open their eyes & make it difficult for us to continue such plans prior, during & post to the 2012 elections.

We have our friends (mboss, can I call them flunkies) in the Media who are capable of not informing Kenyans as & when needed.Of course, all actions are for the good of the few at the expense of the many.

This is a blogpost you posted in January 2009, please note as you predicted, such a scam did take place around June 2011 but we feel you should not predict or highlight such matters. Let our PR folks deal with it by:
  • Blaming the Kenya Shilling (note to self; Do not piss off CBK Guvnor)
  • Blaming the Arabs/Indians/Malaysians/Somalis
  • Blaming consumers
  • Finally our fail-proof method; blaming KenolKobil. No reason required.
To save taxpayer money, we have pre-printed letters blaming KenolKobil for any & all ills facing us. We found it easier & thanks to the Media & gullible Kenyans, it works very well.

So herewith we BAN you from predicting scams concerning any of the following entities:
Govt of Kenya
Ministry of Energy
Kenya Pipeline Company
National Oil Company of Kenya
Central Bank of Kenya

After all the transfer of wealth of only 10/- per Kenyan per month means a freaking lot to the some of us. Consider it our version of "AllKenyans4SomeKenyans".

Thank you for your cooperation on behalf of the politically helpful folks,

[Names Redacted]

WHAT DO YOU THINK COLDTUSKER SHOULD DO?




15 comments:

@martingicheru said...

Hahahahaha! Coldtusker now writing satire, or is this the read leal?

Media Madness said...

I second this ban! Ha!!

Saldanha said...

I concur with [name redacted] for dispatching this warning letter to you! How dare you write such pieces to fellow Kenyans who do not need to be informed of the truth! You know how much the truth hurts, and once you tell Kenyans the truth, national security will be compromised. Ever heard the saying "ignorance is bliss", let Kenyans be ignorant so that you can continue to live in peace!

winny said...

hahaaa wait a min, is this some sorta prank o' wart?

mmnjug said...

Ever heard of matters of Political Importance.....you are going against the Power [and corruption] Sharing Agreement. iRest

bankelele said...

One (unpalatable) way to open up the sector is for all companies that participate in OTC to have their shareholding and directorship listed by the ERC and of course, annual reports published (that way you won't have shells like Prisko's winning tenders)

Mark K. said...

Haha and I wonder who will be tasked with enforcing this ban:))

Kahenya said...

Ye heathen deserves a knot on ye tongue. CBK style

masterE said...

ha ha...and you thought they wud neva have enuff of you

Anonymous said...

Actually, we would like to appoint you Minister of Energy Information, and Development Energy Conference Attender. Your main duties are attending energy conferences representing Kenya at Millenium Goals 2110.
We have enrolled your 2 children in private Universities in the United States at a cost US 50,000 per child( 4 million shillings) with a yearly living stipend of 20,000 each (1 million). We will provide first class tickets for you, your wife, your 2 other kids, and your parents to "escort" both your children to school. We will also provide transport for them to come home twice a year.

We are happy to provide this as an incentive to have you work on seeing things our way.

Anonymous said...

Cold Tusker should call a big 'ol press conferernce to let us know his life is in danger.
-andruid

bintiadamu said...

Ahh...I see you got the memo

Ankit Raghav said...

hahahahah ColdTusker is BANNED from predicting scams

Anonymous said...

Aahahahahah. Cold Tusker are you really serious?
http://www.techangaza.com

Ravi said...

Nice article.